How to Stop Seeking Validation From People Who Don’t Even Like Themselves

You ever notice how the loudest opinions come from people who don’t have their own life together? Yet somehow, those are the voices you end up performing for. If you’ve been doing mental gymnastics trying to win approval from someone who can’t even approve of their own reflection, congrats, you’re stuck in the external validation trap.

But good news: you can get out.

Validation is addictive because it offers quick relief. A dopamine hit. A sense that you’re doing okay, even if you’re faking it. But when your sense of worth is built on other people’s shaky opinions, you’re always going to feel unstable.

Here’s how to stop outsourcing your self-worth to people who wouldn’t know authenticity if it slapped them with a ring light.

1. Ask Who You’re Trying to Impress (and Why)

Is it your ex? Your coworker? That random person from high school who still posts cryptic gym selfies with motivational quotes?

Figure out who your brain is tap dancing for. Then ask yourself: would you actually trade lives with them?

If the answer is no, stop giving their opinion VIP access to your nervous system.

2. Check the Receipts: What Do They Actually Know About You?

People can only judge the version of you they see. And most are projecting their own mess onto that version.

If someone doesn’t know your story, your trauma, your growth, why are you letting their glance or comment rewrite your self-perception?

They’re not qualified. Stop handing them the microphone.

3. Break the Likeability Addiction

You don’t need to be likeable. You need to be real.

The people who matter will vibe with the real version. The rest can scroll.

Start saying what you mean. Start dressing for your damn self. Start making choices that feel good in your bones, not just your feed.

4. Notice the Crash After the Compliment

Ever feel weirdly empty after getting praised? That’s a sign you’re not metabolising external validation well.

It feels good in the moment. But if it leaves you hollow after, it wasn’t feeding your soul. It was feeding your survival pattern.

5. Build Internal Metrics

Start tracking your days by questions like:

• Did I show up honestly?

• Did I do something that scared me?

• Did I stay aligned with my values?

That’s your new scoreboard. Not follower counts. Not polite nods. Not fake smiles from people you don’t trust.

6. Give Fewer Explanations

You don’t need a 12-slide deck to justify your choices. You don’t need three backup reasons to say no.

Let people think what they want. Your job is to live, not convince.

7. Practice Letting Someone Be Wrong About You

They think you’re rude? Let them. They think you’re selfish? Let them.

Their story doesn’t have to become your script.

Every time you resist the urge to fix their perception, you reinforce your own.

8. Unplug From Spaces That Feed the Performance

If social media makes you feel like a discount version of yourself, log out. If certain group chats are just performance arenas, leave.

Your energy isn’t infinite. Spend it where it feels like truth, not audition.

9. Spend Time With People Who Don’t Need You to Perform

The ones who love your chaos. Who laugh when you’re weird. Who don’t need you to explain your vibe.

Those are your people. They remind you that you’re already enough.

10. Remember That Not Everyone Likes Themselves

A lot of people are walking around in quiet self-loathing. That’s who you’re trying to impress?

Let them go. Not out of spite. Out of peace.

Because the second you stop chasing their approval, you start returning to your own.