How to Be Yourself (Without Feeling Like a Walking Contradiction)

You want to be yourself. Problem is, you don’t always know who that is. One day you’re vibing with cottagecore playlists and journaling in the sun. The next, you’re rage-scrolling Twitter and yelling at your houseplants.

Welcome to being human.

Trying to “be yourself” is confusing when you’ve spent years shape-shifting to fit situations, friend groups, expectations, or survival mode. It gets blurry. You start second-guessing your own opinions. You tweak your personality depending on the vibe in the room. And when someone asks what you actually want? You freeze. Because no one’s ever asked you to answer that honestly.

This isn’t a flaw. It’s a side effect of living in a world that rewards performance over presence.

Here’s how to stop guessing who you’re supposed to be and start remembering who you are.

1. Notice When You’re Editing Yourself

You’re not fake. You’re adaptive. But if you constantly shrink your truth to keep the peace, it’s time to check the habit.

Do you avoid saying what you think because you don’t want to be “awkward”? Do you change your tone, opinions, or hobbies depending on who you’re around?

That’s not authenticity. That’s exhaustion in a costume.

2. Get Bored on Purpose

When your life is jammed with noise, screens, and group chats, it’s hard to hear yourself think. So try this: get bored.

Go sit somewhere with no music, no phone, no stimulation. Let your brain wander. See what thoughts show up when you’re not performing for anyone.

This is where your real self gets airtime.

3. Pay Attention to What Feels Like Relief

What makes your nervous system exhale?

Not what impresses people. Not what looks good on a story. But what feels like a deep breath in your chest. Maybe it’s solo walks. Maybe it’s saying no. Maybe it’s wearing that outfit you keep saving for “someday.”

The stuff that feels like relief is usually the stuff that leads you home.

4. Find the Version of You That Doesn’t Perform

You know the one. The you who emerges when you’re completely relaxed. With your dog. On a solo road trip. Singing badly in the shower.

That version? That’s you. No filter. No social mask. That’s who you’re trying to live from.

5. Stop Asking Everyone Else Who You Are

No one else can tell you who to be. And the more you crowdsource your personality, the less stable it feels.

Try making choices without asking six friends first. Try holding an opinion even when someone disagrees. Try liking something that’s uncool.

Self-trust gets louder when you stop handing out megaphones to everyone else.

6. Say the Thing You’re Scared to Say

Not to be dramatic, but honesty is a shortcut to clarity.

Say the truth. Even if your voice shakes. Even if it feels weird. Every time you speak from your actual self, you reinforce that self.

7. Unfollow Anyone Who Makes You Feel Like a Knockoff

You don’t need to consume content that makes you feel like you need a rebrand just to exist.

Curate your space. Fill it with people, voices, and vibes that feel like alignment, not comparison.

8. Let Yourself Change

Being yourself doesn’t mean being a fixed character. You’re not a brand. You’re not a finished product.

You’re a draft in progress. You’re allowed to shift. To outgrow. To contradict yourself. Growth isn’t fake. It’s self-respect.

9. Accept That Some People Won’t Get It

You won’t be for everyone. That doesn’t mean you’re wrong.

Let them misunderstand you. Let them assume. Let them project. Their discomfort isn’t your cue to shapeshift.

10. Take Off the Costume, Even Just for a Minute

Pick one area of your life. One moment. One room.

And just. Be.

No filter. No performance. No rehearsed responses.

It might feel raw. It might feel terrifying. But it’ll also feel like relief.

And that’s how you start.